WHAT I LEARNED IN VEGAS

You guys already know that Vegas was an incredible experience. I drank a lot, partied a lot, and danced off a couple extra lbs. It's time to share my newfound wisdom with you all.

• It is hot as hell outside and FREEZING inside everywhere you are. Your insides will be extremely confused. There's really nothing you can do about this except carry a cardi and a mini-fan at all times. Preferably in your fanny pack.

• Fanny packs RULE. Convenient and deceptively spacious yet stylish as hell. Check out my haul to see the one I chose for poolside.

• I am an EXCELLENT day drinker and a rubbish nighttime one. Afterhours??? Forgedaboutit! Pick your battles, you can't do it all.

• But if you do then Redbull is king. 

• I lost $0.85 in one spin of the wheel from a $1 bet. If you know your gambling game is poor, then don't do it. This city will chew you up and spit you right back out like it's nothing! Just ask this guy. Oh wait a minute. You can't! SMH.

 

• The poolparty pools aren't as dirty as you would expect them to be. You know. Considering.

• Your body is ALREADY Vegas ready, just the way it is. Honestly. REALLY wish I'd known this before eating nothing but soup for 2 months in preparation (!!!!). Pretty sure I was the only one who bothered to even attempt a diet!

• ALWAYS bring flip flops to the pool. The ground around all the pools gets as hot as I'd imagine molten lava to be. Kinda puts a dampener on your (let's be honest, very well rehearsed) Beyonce poolside walk so you end up looking more like this...

• Don't be a "bottle wh*re" ffs, get a better job instead so you can buy your own d*mn bottles ladies! 

• People go to Vegas to party and have a good time. Be nice to people as chances are they'll already be nice to you.

• Pulling is not guaranteed. This is Vegas, not Faliraki. 

• If you've been to Dubai, then you can probably skip Vegas...unless gambling is your main thing.

• 3 days in Las Vegas was PLENTY.

• Recovery begins at In-And-Out. But after that, be nice to your poor broken body and eat green things.

• And finally..most of all...remember and never forget...or engrave if you can...in real gold...which you wear in public...and show people..hmm...ok yeah so the medium of the message's delivery might be flawed in this instance but the message itself stands oh so true:

Boss behaviour. Until we meet again Las Vegas.

xxxx