"95% of the worst thing that ever happens to you ends up being the best thing that ever happened to you."
Breakups are hard (yeah no sh*t sherlock I hear you moan - stick with me). It doesn't matter if you are breaking up with a friend, a partner, a job, or even a family member. It's hard, it hurts, and believe it or not - it's necessary. Yes necessary.
I have been through my fair share as I'm sure you have too. One break up in particular floored me as it came out of nowhere but surviving that pain made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I want to share with you guys my 5 steps to pain-free living.
This one is doozie so as one of my favourite fellow bloggers likes to say, make yourself a cup of tea, get comfy and read on. Here's how to get back to you 5 steps.
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| Not sure if that is a real quote or not, just really love it lol. |
How to cope:
1 - Cry.. Give yourself the time to feel the sadness. You cannot heal until you have had the chance to grieve, it's healthy and it's all part of the process. If you don't let yourself grieve now, you risk a random suprise breakdown later on. Don't stay in this headspace for too long though. Give yourself a deadline (i.e. 3 days) and STICK TO IT.
2 - Delete, delete, delete. This is the hardest one by far. If you don't have children or a house together then cut off communication. Delete their numbers and take them off of your social media platforms, the last thing you want to see is their apparent happiness sans you. You don't need this pain to be any worse than it is. If you did the dumping, leave them be. Nothing you say short of "let's get back together" will make a positive difference. You have done enough damage so leave them alone and move on.
If you were dumped on the other hand, nothing you say to the dumper that will make you seem not desperate no matter how many times you try to "casual" up your voice or that SMS. Nothing is more unattractive than desperation, you'll feel crap and they'll be even more sure they made the right decision leaving you. This person has decided they don't want you. Do yourself a favor and leave with at least some of your pride. It'll help you heal, you'll see.
4 - Figure out what you like, then do it. So your ex is out of your life (and your Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/etc) and there is now a them-shaped hole where that love used to be. The key is to fill it with positive mood-boosting things (friendships, family, new hobby maybe?) while avoiding the quick short term fixes i.e. overeating, rebounds, & other self-destructive behaviour. Starting this blog was my step 4. Use all this new free time and extra energy you have to do something amazing that makes you feel good. Let yourself be inspired!
5 - Know when you're ready to get back out there. It's been a few months now and thoughts of them no longer open up the pit of despair in your chest. You've been keeping busy and active, your hobbies are back and your friends are relishing having so much of your time. Rushing back into dating could undo all of your hard work. How do you know when you're ready? You just do. Usually it's around the time you suddenly realize you haven't thought about them all day and thinking about them now does nothing for you. However long it takes you, do get back out there. Not all males are the same, not all females are the same. There is someone out there who's been waiting a lifetime to meet you. You won't find him r her by sitting around at home alone pining for what once was.
You are GORGEOUS inside and out and you deserve someone amazing. Learn from your past mistakes so you can start something beautiful with someone new. Don't stop until you find them!
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| Picture courtesy of my fabolous street art blogger friend Christine Estima |
I really hope this helps give you some direction. No pain is forever. Lady Time will heal you but she can't do it all by herself. You also have to do your part.
Love you guys for reading this far, do share your musings with me in the comments. I'd love to hear from you. And share this post far and wide, you never know, it might help someone else.
Xxs